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INNOCENT DEVIL..
Friday, February 11

Have been staying at home these few days..
I was wondering why am I doing this.
Felt so bored but yet dun feel like going out..

Went to consult my friend today regarding about 'MY WILL' issue.
At last i manage to get a clearer picture & will start to proceed.
It will take at least 1 week before i could go to the lawyer firm to confirm everything
as i need to sort out few issues..

At least, I've done 2 things which was bothering me.
1st was told his dad about our things & 2nd is MY WILL issue.
Now my 3rd issue is to clear all my back log work asap..

I totally agreed that things will never be the same again.
We seems to look like stranger when we see each other.
Every nite, a stranger was sleeping next to me.
The barrel will be forever there.
I just hope to end this asap as this is really tiring & miserable.

Just felt so guilty towards his dad as he has been worrying for us & didn't sleep
well ever since he know this issue.
I told myself life still have to move on.
Just tolerate for another 2more months?
Things will be better i guess as he will tell his dad his about our issues.

He will carry on with his life & i will carry on with my life..
This will be another chapter of my life.
The INNOCENT DEVIL will be reborn i guess....

Written @ Friday, February 11, 2011

What should I do....
Thursday, February 10

I felt so tired...
Only sleep for few hours...
Mayeb too many things in my mind & that's that reason why i can't sleep well..

His sister sms me..
Ask me what happens to me as she says i look restless & tired..
I dunno what i can say...
I only can say nothing as I've promise, I will wait for him to announce.
She can sense something wrong & keep insisting me to tell her..
I feel so miserable & struggling as I really can't say it to her..

She say since i can't tell her why not tell dad.
Dad can try to talk to him if we have problems.
I can't tell her that there is no turning back liao..
Paper already sign, what to talk?

If he really treasure this family, he would not let this thing to happen in the 1st place..
He should have voice out to prevent things to happen but he didn't.
This shows his determination & this is also good for me as at last i can fully let go..

I don't deny i still love him as no matter what,
we are together for more than 10 years & he's my little princess daddy..
Since he already choose this path, i will respect his decision & just hope that things will get better..

Everyday , I need to remind & tell myself to stay positive.
I'm so scare that 1 day if they really leave the house,
i will feel the loneliness as i can't see my princess & her laughter daily...

Written @ Thursday, February 10, 2011

Negative Thoughts
Wednesday, February 9

Feeling is getting from bad to worst..
Everyday facing him & his dad make me feel worst..
The feeling is dam terrible..
I have to act & hide my feelings infront of his dad.
This is the worst as his dad is really very good to me..

I can't find words to describle my feelings as nobody can understand how I feel.
I really thought of ending my life but I have few things to do before I do that..
Everyday, I'm thinking which is the better & easiest ways to end my life to get away from these mental torture.

I know i'm very irresponsible as my 2 gals are still young..
But , i really can't take it anymore..
If i could cry, that would be better i guess but no tears drop..
This is something which i feel weird..

Life is short, we should enjoy life but why must I go through all these torture?
I know mostly is my fault but it takes 2 hands to clap.
This is something which i think he also agreed.
Maybe he think he's the best.

Before married, promise everything.
After married, throw you 1side & only treat you as a mother of his daughter.
I'm also a human being.
I also need my hubby to care, concern & love me.
But did he do that??
Maybe he felt he did but i don't feel it..

Written @ Wednesday, February 09, 2011

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