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Why am I so selfish
Saturday, February 26

Ever since that incident,they r all worried for me.
Is this what I want?
Everyday I'm trying to put on a smile but deep inside,I'm miserable.

Why am I so selfish?
What's the point of holding on when there r no future?

Wake up!! Let go!! Move on!!
This is what I'm telling myself but can I do it?

Marriage is a gamble n I only can say that I'm a total loser..
I lost to fated...

It's sat but yet I woke up so early ..
I also dunno y..

I always tell myself,it's time to end this misery..
How can I end it?
Everyday I'm thinking n thinking..

I can't always rely on my cousin to accompany n console me.
They r all worried for me.
It's time to end it Coz things will never be the same.
I can't take a 2nd failure of marriage..

Written @ Saturday, February 26, 2011

Depression
Friday, February 25

Something really bad happened on Wednesday nite.
I can only say that god save me if not I won't be here written blog anymore.

Sometimes I just wondering what I want from life?
If life is so miserable why must we carry on to suffer from these misery?

Now is the worst moment in my life.
To pull through this stage,I need support.
I'm glad n thank that my cousin was accompanying me the whole day.

I wish that I could turn back the clock but too bad it could never happened.
Clock can only move forward n not backward..

I'm already mentally n physically break down.
It's time to settle everything.
He had already told his dad n sister abt it.

Now the next step is move out of my house coz I can't carry on seeing him everyday.
I'm just a human.. The best choice is they move out n me carry on with my life n stop thinking of doing all those stupid thing since I fail once..

Written @ Friday, February 25, 2011

Another 3 more days..
Tuesday, February 22

At last,my lawyer have finish 'MY WILl' draft.
I will be going to the lawyer firm today.
The feeling is good Coz at last I did what I wanna do.
I've been waiting for this day for so long.

I woke up at 4+ but this is the 1st time I had a good sleep Coz I wasn't woke up by him when he's back.maybe is the power of the wine lol.

Another 26days will be my princess b'day.
I hope I can hang on till that day as I can feel that I can't tolerate anymore.
Everyday I'm telling myself no point crying over the spill milk but say is easier than done.

Hang on! Hang on! Hang on!
I'm telling myself to keep myself busy with work but...
I just can't concentrate WTF!!
I'm a lousy and useless person!!

Please be strong!!That's what I'm telling myself everyday..
That's life!We are born to suffer but can I ??
Can I be strong and hang on when everyday seeing my family and him?

I don't wanna think and I don't wanna know..
Just let god decide..

Written @ Tuesday, February 22, 2011

It's time to end it..
Monday, February 21

As usual, I'm been woke up by him when he come into our room.
Trying to make myself sleep but I just can't.

Sitting in the living room alone and drinking again.
Hope that after drinking, I can sleep.

He suppose to tell his dad tonite regarding about our issue but I'm not sure did he do it Coz I was in the bed room.

I feel so bad that Coz I saw his dad so sad and stress about our us.
Everything will be end soon..

At least his frequent of going to niteclub makes me feel that no point having anymore feeling towards him.

He's just back to the life before we get married.
Going niteclub hugging gals and this makes me feel better Coz this will make my feeling towards him die..

I keep telling myself, that's life.
He say dun mention to any1 in the separation but he had already told few of his friends regarding about our separation.

What he say is true, we just can't forgive n forget.
Everytime when we have problems, we will bring up what we did in the past.
Why am I still dwelling and feeling sad?

Let's end it.
I just pity my little princess ..
She's most innocent.
I felt sorry for her Coz I can't give her a healthy grown up
Family....

Written @ Monday, February 21, 2011

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