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5th Jun, 晴天
Friday, June 5

Last night meet up with Geraldine & gang & S CLUB.
A club taken over by Jack's brother near bugis..
Not bad,quite nice renovation & sound system was good
but not my type of place hahaha..

Geraldine was suggesting where shall we go?
Zinc or Sabai?
Initially,i was thinking of going to Zinc..
I really dun know why i suggested that shall we go RESORT??
I've never been there..
I'm really curious what so attractive about that place
How beautiful the thai gals are over there that makes him love that place so much....
I know he will be there for sure...
Even he promise me before wedding dinner,he broke all his promises.
When he knows that i will be going back to his place to play mj tonight with his family tonight,
how could he miss the chance of going to his favourite spot??

The moment i step into resort, i was looking around..
At last i saw him...with his friends,surrounded by few thai gals playing games..
My heart was like a knife stab into it again....
I did not go straight to his table but his "BEST BROTHER ONG" saw me & tell him i was there.
I intend to go to the toilet & after that i will go to his table & say hello..
Who knows,the moment i step out of the toilet, he was gone..
I was asking myself this question.What's the problem?
Why must he run away when his friend told him i was there?
I really couldn't understand..
Does he thinks that i will make a scene when his friends is around?
Did i ever make any scene in front of his friends??

I was totally disappointed & i told his BEST BROTHER ONG who is the 1 who brought him to thai disco which makes him fall in love with that place coz there are many pretty & big breast thai gals for them to hug & kiss & even "UP" that i already saw him & you can ask him dun have to leave as i will be leaving soon..I really wanna thank his BEST BROTHER ONG & now another BEST BROTHER RAY..

We sms each other & he ask me to go back to his place as he wanna talk..
The way he talk to me as if i'm the 1 who was in wrong..
I shouldn't have go to that place to check on him.
What a joke to me..So what is his promises of no THAI DISCO??
Now the blame was on me that i never give him face??
What had i done that i never give him face???
He broke his PROMISES & yet the blame lies on me..
He still can tell me what's wrong that he go RESORT??
(So he had totally forgotten what he had promise me before our wedding dinner)
I really dun know what can i say...
I really feel very very disappointed & sad..
He will never change..I keep telling myself..
He say i drive him to the CORNER to make a decision.
Can you imagine what was he saying??
I drive him to the corner..
This means that he has been thinking shall we separate.
At the end of the conversation, we agreed to separate.
I pack most of my clothes early in the morning.
He helps me & send me back to my mum's place..
(He din even have the thoughts of stopping me..)
I think he must be dam fxxking happy i leave..
So he can enjoy his fxxking life with those thai & china gal again...
The feeling is fxxking sucks,sad,disappointed,down & fxxk up..

The moment i reach my mum's place, my tears keep dripping..
I just cun control myself...
I cry non stop till my eye swollen..
I sms his sister that i couldn't have mj session with them tonight.
His sister ask me why..
I told her that we seperated..
Think his sister was shock too..
His sister keep asking me not to move back..
Dun be impulsive this & that..
If i still love him,i cun leave just like that..
I really dun know..i was like lost in the jungle & what can i do..
At last i made a decision...

Let me tell you this,nobody would believe this if they knows me..
I ask AH CAN to help me bring back all my clothes which he send it to my mum's place to his house.
I throw away my pride & go back to his house.
Can you believe it?
For my character,i will never do that but i did that...
I really dun know who am i now...
Where is the CANDY/YUKI/AH YEE which all of you know went to?
I need someone to pull me back...
I'm weak..very very weak...I really have no pride at all..
What the fxxk am i doing?I keep asking myself..
Can anyone tell me..Tell me what happens to me..
I'm going crazy soon..I've to leave...
Have to do something to myself & wake myself up..

Who will help me?
Who will support me?
Who will understand how i feel??
Really think of ending my life at that moment so that i dun have to think..
Luckily i was not that stupid & irrational..
If not i will regret for the rest of my life if i did anything stupid...
Coz does he WORTH it?????

Written @ Friday, June 05, 2009

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